Man Balances Work and Life by Scheduling Both And Collapses
His calendar reflects perfect harmony. His soul reflects six browser tabs of unresolved dread and a sore jaw from clenching during yoga.
Man’s Faith Grows Stronger with Every Comment Section He Avoids
Once a frequent arguer online, he now says the surest sign of spiritual growth is resisting the urge to reply with a 7-paragraph rebuke in a thread titled “hot take.”
What We Think Our Readers Look Like (Please Don’t Correct Us)
We made a list of the archetypes who read The Mocking Post. If you’re here, you’re probably a little too online, too smart for your job, and oddly passionate about fonts. We love you.
Woman Chooses Salad Bar Over Liposuction, Demands Results by Tuesday
Tired of quick fixes that take too long, a local woman is furious that her lettuce hasn’t melted 30 pounds of regret in under a week.
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Random Articles
I’m Not Ghosting You. I’m Dissociating With Style.
Yes, I saw your text. I even rehearsed a reply in three emotional dialects. Then I floated into the ceiling…
BREAKING: Woman Called Brave for Having Opinion
Apparently, expressing a thought now qualifies as heroism, as long as you smile afterward and include a disclaimer in parentheses.
Woman Opens New Credit Card to Prove She’s Emotionally Ready for Europe
She’s not impulsive. She’s preparing. Financial experts are unclear if €14 rosé in Lisbon counts as personal growth, but she’s…
My Dad Fixed the Sink, I Called a Plumber. What Does That Make Me?
He used a wrench and confidence. I used Yelp and panic. But hey, the drip’s gone — except the one…
Gender Roles Reversed Again, Then Inside Out Over Brunch
According to a new study no one asked for, financial independence turns men into patriarchs and women into flight risks…
Spot the Date: Woman’s Profile Photo Lineup Triggers Dating App Eye Strain
In an age of infinite scroll, some women have embraced the chaotic art of hiding in plain sight. Dating men…
Predictably wrong
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Dear Dr. Doctrine
My Professor Live-Streamed Our Class Without Telling Us. Now I’m a Meme.
I go to a mid-sized state university and recently discovered that one of my professors has been live-streaming…
Corporate Stars That Shouldn’t Collide
Astronomer CEO Andy Byron says the universe “sent a sign” during Coldplay—unfortunately, it looked a lot like being…
My Burnout Coach Gave Me Homework
When self-care becomes another deliverable. Dr. Doctrine decodes the emotional invoice, and Ricky Machismo responds with grit, dumbbells,…
My Four-Year-Old Called Me Emotionally Unavailable
When toddlers start diagnosing attachment issues, is it growth or generational backlash? Dr. Doctrine offers a dose of…
My Husband Listens to Therapy Recordings at 2x Speed
When emotional growth meets audio compression. Dr. Doctrine weighs in on relationship multitasking, and Aria adds her elegantly…
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Mockitors (Editors)
Bryce Blunder
Bryce thinks out loud so you don’t have to—because you really, really shouldn’t.
Connor Descend
Connor translates tech arrogance into digestible smugness. It’s not helpful, but it is monetized.
Keanu Gebe
Keanu speaks Gen Z, fluently and with just enough sarcasm to stay suspended.
Babs Relata
Babs unpacks trauma and trending audios with the same urgency—both are clout currency.
Max Volumo
Max writes like he’s shouting from a stadium blimp—and you’re still not paying enough attention.
Scott Swiffer
Scott keeps the office clean and the secrets dirty.
Alani “Anime” Garres
Alani monitors high school absurdity like it’s a live-streamed social experiment.